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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I Wrestled with God and He Won

Dealing with Asperger's Syndrome

Recently, as I struggled with a situation going on in my life, as hard as I tried not to, I began to question God and even got to the point of being angry. I asked God, "Why do I have to go through this trial when I'm doing everything I can to serve You?"

You know the idea...I'm doing everything "right" so why is this happening? Have you ever struggled with that? Well, I have and recently I let it all out to God (as if He didn't know what I was thinking already! Psalm 139:1-4 says:

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

I figured I might as well be real with God since He already knew the thoughts I was having anyway. So that's what I did - I wrestled with God over this trial - and thank God, He won! My questions and anger turned into tears of thanksgiving as I reminded God of his promises to me which are found in His Word that over the years I have hidden in my heart. It was the Holy Spirit of God who brought these verses to my mind as I began to speak back those promises to God in prayer. He reminded me of his grace, mercy, and love for me and my family. When it was all over, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders and that peace which surpasses all understanding began to guard my heart and my mind again through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

Then God brought to my mind the story of Jacob (found in Genesis 32) and how he had wrestled with God at a time of fear and uncertainty in his life. Jacob was returning back to his homeland and in doing so, he would also be returning to his brother Esau whom he had cheated out of his birthright and his blessing. He was afraid of what Esau would do to him. Before Jacob wrestled all night with God he had prayed to him and it was a prayer that was rooted in fear, much like mine had been. As I began to study about this, I discovered many new things about this story we have recorded for us in the Bible. But what I want to focus on here and now is this point: Jacob knew about God but didn't know God...Jacob was wrestling for his divine identity, his blessing - not Abraham's, not Isaac's, not Esau's - but HIS and he had to give up himself in the struggle in order to get his blessing.

We all have struggles in this life. Jesus even told us in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

The word for the Messer family in 2013 is Peace. Funny how that is the word that is printed on the Christmas ornament we bought while spending Christmas at the beach. (A new Messer family tradition...getting an ornament that describes how our family has experienced God during the year.) I believe in buying that particular ornament (that I searched high and low for <smile>), God was reminding us that for the coming year it would be His peace that would carry us through any struggles we may face. The verse of our last family devotional for 2012 contained the following scripture from John 14:27:

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

So I'm giving up myself in this struggle and finding God's gift of peace as I surrender the unknown to Him. I'm trusting that all things will work together for good because my family and I love God and we are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
How about you? Is there something you are struggling with in your life. If so, then I pray that you will surrender to God and experience His peace which surpasses all understanding. It will truly guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus. I know because I have experienced it and you can too! 

Walking in His Grace, 

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